Justice "Stress" - Video of the Year?

Charles Barkley

Is Charles Barkley making a last minute bid for WHS Man of the Year? He was arrested last night around 1:30 AM in Arizona after running a stop sign. He refused the breathalyzer and was forced to give a blood sample. Results are pending. Here is the photo from the police dept. Who is that sweaty at 1:30 AM?

Here is a nice quote from Charles Barkely from back in the day:
After an Olympic Dream Team victory over Angola, in which they won 116-48, Charles got into a physical altercation with a member of Angola towards the end of the game, afterwards he says: "Somebody hits me, I'm going to hit him back. Even if it does look like he hasn't eaten in a couple weeks. I thought he was going to pull a spear on me."

Donald Gibb as Ray Jackson in Bloodsport = Hilarious

"OK, USA!"


"What the hell is a dim-mack?"

Best Photos of 2008

While we eagerly await the WHS Man of the Year, I thought I would post a collection of great photos from 2008. I have included my favorite:

WHS Gives Gran Torino "Triple Threat Award"

Washington, DC. In an unprecedented move the founding members of WHS have crowned Clint Eastwood's new masterpiece with the "Triple Threat Award of 2008" for Best Movie, Actor and Song.

After a packed screening in Georgetown WHS blog founders lauded Clint's moving portrayal of "Walt Kawalski" - an unbelievably racist Polish man caught in the middle of a Detroit gang war between Hmong neighbors (referred to by Walt as "swamp rats, gooks, zipperheads, dragon ladies, fish heads and dog eaters among many other epithets") - as perhaps the greatest performance of his career.

Most surprising however, award for Best Song of 2008 was also handed out to Clint Eastwood for "Tribute Gran Torino." When the song and Eastwood's raspy voice blasted over the Dolby Surround Sound speakers in the final scene, Blog members were shocked and moved to tears.



WHS would like to extend its congratulations to Mr. Eastwood and his family.

Farewell, Bush

On Fire

Countdown to Gran Torino Part 5 - Studio Buckles Under Pressure

In an unprecedented move Warner Brothers has buckled under the pressure of WHS and is now opening Gran Torino all across Virginia. In fact Gran Torino will open at Tyson's Corner on 2 screens simultaneously, one screen with special closed captioning (most likely for all the hard of hearing elderly southern men who will flock to the film this Christmas to enjoy hearing someone who looks like them screaming racial epithets at Asians and pointing guns at gang members). Congratulations to everyone at this blog and Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas!

Countdown to Gran Torino Part 4 - Breaking News - Studio Pussying Out?

Something fishy is going down right now on the Warner Brother's lot. 

First, as posted earlier today, Gran Torino's marketing campaign was completely altered from that of an old fashioned Race film to a bizarre Buddy Movie plotline. 

Then a search for theaters in the Washington, DC area playing Gran Torino this weekend, Christmas Weekend, the biggest weekend of the year, reveals ZERO theaters in Virginia. Only 2 in Downtown DC and one in Bethesda, Maryland.

First thought would suggest a box office receipt problem, perhaps Gran Torino isn't making enough money in its limited release to warrant a larger expansion. But further investigation reveals that in its first week in release Gran Torino made 271K while playing on only 6 screens in the entire country. That's a per-screen average of 45k, the largest per screen average of any film in release! Then, second week the studio decided to only expand the film to 19 screens and yet it still made an average of 25k, a large decline per screen but still enough to make it the 2nd highest per screen average in the country. 

So why is Warner Brothers failing to back Clint Eastwood's latest masterpiece? Is there a conspiracy against this film that we aren't aware of? What is the real story? We Has Spoken demands an answer. And also demands an opening in Northern Virginia on Christmas Weekend.

Countdown to Gran Torino Part Three - New Misleading TV Spots

During Monday Night Football they played the new TV spot for Grand Torino. It's pretty much the opposite of the trailer. This TV spot would seem to suggest the following storyline: Clint Eastwood befriends nerdy Asian boy neighbor and together they take on an entire Asian street gang and clean up the neighborhood. Strangely there's no mention in this TV spot of the words Swamp Rats or the blatant racism on display in the 2 minute trailer. Still the movie seems as awesome as ever. Getting better by the minute.

Awesome Mix Tape: Please Hammer Don't Poke My Eye Out

Wikipedia says it all:

The video for "Pumps and a Bump" generated a great deal of controversy because it depicted MC Hammer in speedos and what appeared to be an erection. Many felt that this was too graphic a depiction of the male form in a music video, and as a result the video did not receive much airplay on MTV and similar music video stations.

Some argue that the "Pumps and a Bump" video was the main factor in unraveling MC Hammer's career. After having built a relatively wholesome image in the rap genre, many felt that with the release of The Funky Headhunter, MC Hammer was attempting to appear gangsta, and in the video for "Pumps and a Bump" he was presenting an overly sexualized image that did not dovetail very well with his earlier, relatively clean-cut image.

Awesome Mix Tape Continued: The REAL Stan Bush

Here is the official video for "You've got the Touch," brought to you by blue screen technology and cocaine.



Note: There is a stupid intro, the real video starts at 1 minute.

What the hell?!?!?

Zero Control: John Cafferty "Hearts On Fire" & Stan Bush "The Touch"

WHS members enjoyed a mix cd titled "Zero Control" a few years back. This collection featured music from 1980s movies performed by mostly no-name artists. The music is simply on fire.

From Rocky IV:


From The Transformers: The Movie

Look Who Got Fat: Alfonzo Ribeiro "Carlton Banks"

From these photos we can deduce two things: Carlton likes cheeseburgers and white women.

Look Who Got Fat: Jack Nicholson

Look Who Got Fat Week: D'Angelo

Emilio Estevez

I couldn't find a good picture to fully dramatize the weight gain but this definitely aint your mother's Emilio Estevez.

Look Who Got Fat Week: Val Kilmer

Such a fatty.

Mike Tyson, HEAVYweight.

Damn, he got fat.

Related links:
10 Reason Mike Tyson Should Stay a Real Heavyweight
Mike Tyson is Fat Now (The Camera Adds 65 Pounds)

Bonus link: Click on the "Fat Mess" label to view a similar WHS post from the past.

How Tom Hanks became Tom Cheeks

Ironically, when he was "Big" there were no Cheeks:

But then he discovered "A Cheeks of His Own":

And then...."Looook at what I have created!! I have made Cheeks! I....have made Cheeks!!"

Much to Paul Newman's chagrin in 2002, his co-star was officially on the "Road to Cheeks":

And now, after years of timeless classics such as "Cheeksadelphia", "DaVincheeks Code", and "Cheeks Me If You Can"....this

WHS BREAKING NEWS: GEORGE BUSH ATTACKED BY SHOES

President Bush had 2 shoes thrown at him by a man at a press conference in Iraq. Bush ducked out of the way and maintained an 'on fire' calmness.

You Asked For Andy Warhol, Here's Your Warhol

TDK Ad:

Steven Spielberg Is Fucking Weird

Andy Warhol, Bianca Jagger, and Steven Spielberg having a conversation in a hotel room.

Gran Torino RED ALERT - Urgent Update

Further to the Gran Torino RED ALERT. WHS has obtained the following document:


TV Spot:

Bobby Brown: The Truth, The Whole Truth, and Nothing But the Truth. The Next Canseco

Code Blue, Code Blue...take the chains off the doors!
-Mr. Clark

That is how I felt when I read that Bobby Brown is writing a "tell all" book about his life with Whitney. Here is a little background:

"Originally the book was authored by Brown himself. But when it was announced in this space last April 4th, a number of red flags went up. One of them was no doubt from Houston’s divorce lawyers. Bobby signed a confidentiality agreement with Houston in which he promised not to write anything about her.

Whoops!

So back to the drawing board these guys went, trying to figure out what to do. In essence, the result is that the book is now technically authored by Handspike. In his foreword, he does promise, however, that Brown “is still fairly compensated.” Who is he fooling? No one. Handspike also says in the foreword that he was forced to published the book somehow, someway, because he had “over a hundred thousand pre-orders” and that “all the major wholesalers and retailers were waiting on the edge of their seats” for this volume. (foxnews.com)"

Damn right I'm waiting on the edge of my seat!

SNL Digital Short

Just watch:

SNL Digital Short - Jizz in my pants - 12/06/08 - watch more funny videos

No words.

UNINTENTIONAL COMEDY ALERT - LEVEL RED: Clint Eastwood's "Gran Torino"

WHS has posted this urgent advisory for Clint Eastwood's "Gran Torino". The advisory has been classified as a RED ALERT, meaning the threat to Eastwood's legacy is severe, and that a WHS field trip to the Court Street 12 is mandatory.

Note that he says "get off my lawn". This may be a tribute to Harrison Ford's disgracefully hilarious "get off my plane" from "Air Force One" (clip follows Eastwood trailer).

"Get Off My Lawn!"


"Get Off My Career!"


The We Has Spoken Alert System:
RED (severe): guaranteed career-spoiling unintentional comedy, theater attendance is required on opening weekend
ORANGE (high): very likely career threat to a film legend, damage may be very difficult to overcome, theater attendance is highly recommended
YELLOW (elevated): trailer may hint at career-jeopardizing lines and performances but may contain all the film actually has, dvd screening is acceptable

Pacquiao: Champ, Lopez: Chump

Manny "Pac-Man" Pacquiao beat Oscar "don't hurt me too hard" De La Hoya's ass last night. Even with Pacquiao holding back for the last four rounds, it still wasn't even close. The match was officially called "by the ref" after 8 rounds, but actually De La Hoya's camp threw in the towel; They were overheard deciding to give in because Pac-Man was simply "too fast." I suspect if De La Hoya wasn't hosting the fight and if boxing wasn't such a corrupt enterprise, Pacquiao would have KO'ed De La Hoya in the 6th round.

In related news, while Fillipinos everywhere rejoiced over this triumphant victory for their country, All@n Lopez completely missed the whole fucking thing. Disgrace.

DISGRACE ALERT: O.J. Simpson Apologizes; Johnnie Cochrane Rolls in Grave

O.J. Simpson disgraced himself yesterday at his sentencing by violating some of WHS very simple rules. Number one, he apologized. Apologizing is one of the cardinal WHS sins. Secondly, he mentioned composing book reports for children. Mentioning children is also a cardinal sin when in front of a judge. Jesus Christ.

John: dude speaking of disgrace - OJ
Allan: WTF
John: begging for the mercy of the court
John: by saying he wrote book reports for a kids?
Allan: i know
John: seriously
Allan: i hate oj now
John: et tu, OJ?
Allan: AHHAHA FB Status
hahahahaah
John: done
Allan: hahahha
i was so disappointed
you know what's worse?
when someone gets off or a light sentence
and they DON'T celebrate
John: i know
they need to celebrate
Allan: like when michael jackson didn't moonwalk in fornt of the courthouse
John: the picture on the cover of the times today shows OJ's attorney covering his eyes
and i know he's just thinking:
"Sorry Johnny Cochran"
Allan: hahahahahahaha
oh shit
johnny cochran is rolling in his grave
John: i know
he's going to rise again for the appeal
Allan: oh shit
hahahahah
i am laughing so damn hard now
John: ha haha
we should post this on WHS

Scott Walker Documentary Opening at IFC Center on December 17th

I have seen this film and it's terrific. Highly recommended viewing. Similar to The Upsetter: The Life & Music of Lee Scratch Perry, both films educate the public on an influential (and eccentric) musician that does not get nearly enough respect and props.

My apologies for the bizarre font style but I copied and pasted it from the filmmaker's email.

Scott Walker: 30 Century Man
Portrait of music's best kept secret OPENS IN NYC AT IFC CENTER DECEMBER 17
LA just announced for Nuart February 27
SF/Berkeley runs start Jan 23

www.scottwalkerfilm.com

Bailout Form

I found this pretty amusing:




Link...