Thursday, July 31, 2008

Ballooning Sucks ... Really, Really Sucks


Reuters had a story about a priest wanting to raise money through an ill-fated derring-do. Some fundraiser - his body recently washed onto Brazil's southeastern coast. He must not have had very sincere friends if they green-lighted this attempt. "Yeah, Father, go for it! Sounds like an AWESOME idea!"

This, coupled with last weekend's post and comic about a suicide involving balloons, has me thinking that this is the summer of party accessories gone wrong. I predict mass casualties involving kazoos sometime in August. Party City stores can never be viewed in the same way - whereas before they were thought of as convenient places to pick up all things celebration, they will now be seen as one-stop shops providing the troubled with instruments of death.

Link to Reuters article

Pyongyang's Ryugyong Hotel

I'm not going to get into this structure's current state, and I'm certainly not going to give you any background on it. This lack of information serves as a great disservice to our many readers, but figured this skeleton post had to go up, then We Has Spoken's editors may decide to have some reporting done at a later date. I find this hilarious on so many levels. The hotel is incomplete, and it has no windows. It's been this way since 1992, when Boyz II Men exploded onto the scene (but probably not the North Korean scene).


Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Rich Old White Men Apologize for Enslaving and then Humiliating Black People for Hundreds of Years


The House of Representatives on Tuesday passed a resolution apologizing to African-Americans for slavery and the era of Jim Crow.

The nonbinding resolution, which passed on a voice vote, was introduced by Rep. Steve Cohen, a white lawmaker who represents a majority black district in Memphis, Tennessee.

While many states have apologized for slavery, it is the first time a branch of the federal government has done so, an aide to Cohen said.

In passing the resolution, the House also acknowledged the "injustice, cruelty, brutality and inhumanity of slavery and Jim Crow."

"Jim Crow," or Jim Crow laws, were state and local laws enacted mostly in the Southern and border states of the United States between the 1870s and 1965, when African-Americans were denied the right to vote and other civil liberties and were legally segregated from whites.

The name "Jim Crow" came from a character played by T.D. "Daddy" Rice who portrayed a slave while in blackface during the mid-1800s.

The resolution states that "the vestiges of Jim Crow continue to this day."

"African-Americans continue to suffer from the consequences of slavery and Jim Crow -- long after both systems were formally abolished -- through enormous damage and loss, both tangible and intangible, including the loss of human dignity and liberty, the frustration of careers and professional lives, and the long-term loss of income and opportunity," the resolution states.

The House also committed itself to stopping "the occurrence of human rights violations in the future."

The photo above is not a joke. That is actually Sen. Tony Hill, D-Jacksonville, left, hugging Senate President Ken Pruitt, R-Port St. Lucie.

Police Brutality Pt. 2 - Bicyclist Attacked by NYPD Officer

This is getting a lot of coverage in New York right now but I'm not sure about the rest of the country so I will post it.

As if they don't piss off enough minority groups on a daily basis the NYPD is now on the shitlist of Bicyclists across the globe. At a rally in Times Square a rookie cop speared (a la Goldberg) an innocent guy off his bike and into the crowd for no apparent reason. The biker, a 29 year old grocer at the Union Square green market was arrested and charged with assault, resisting arrest and a slew of other bullshit crimes. The officer claimed in his police report that the biker tried to attack him but this video clearly shows otherwise. Now bike activists across the country are mad as hell at the NYPD and demanding retribution. 


Fantasy Football Names

So I am trying to come up with a fantasy football team name. I would like it to be funny, not too offensive, and somewhat time appropriate. Last year was "Roast Duck With Mango Salsa." This year, I am hitting a road block. So far the short list is "Heath's medicine cabinet" but I think this could be considered crude. Feel free to help with any suggestions.

Monday, July 28, 2008

BYRD GANG MOVIE

I recently executive produced and wrote the concept for a long-form music video / movie for the rapper Jim Jones and his new crew Byrd Gang. I took this photo on set, it was a beautiful Sunday afternoon in Bed Stuy, on Madison right off Throop. Jim Jones is in the middle lighting something up. Melle Matrix is to the right of him rapping. Ethan Higbee is in the foreground shooting. Movie is set to to hit the streets October 1st direct to DVD and home video.

Aman's Wedding Redux

Why does this remind me of Aman's Wedding?


Lego



More Here:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/balakov/sets/72157602602191858/

Mike Tyson's Abandoned Mansion

The picture above is of the entrance to Mike Tyson's former home. The guy who runs illicitohio.com snuck around the abandoned property exploring and taking photographs. He posted over 250 pictures online. I posted a few more pictures below, but go check out his website to see the rest of the photos, along with written descriptions.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Sunday Comix

Probably in bad taste, but inspired by this story. Click on the picture for a closer look.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Nothing Witty Here, Just Clips That Make Me Laugh

CLIP 1: Missile Dropkick From Top Of Car
Note: Simultaneous screams of horror, very loud footsteps on car and Larry Holmes' white tracksuit.



CLIP 2: If He Dies, He Dies
Note: On top of being really gangster, this is a phrase that may be used in every day situations, ie "Jim can't come out tonight. Whatever, if he dies, he dies."



CLIP 3: Modified Select Dental Commercial
Note: This guy beat us to the punch in spoiling this ad. It's tremendous work.



CLIP 4: Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm Cover
Note: Equal parts hilarious and chilling, only the first few seconds are worth it.



CLIP 5: Daniel Larusso on the Worst Date Ever
Note: Best part, starting around 1:40, thug Dennis is so disgusted Daniel hasn't signed the paperwork to enter the next all-Valley tournament that he uses an inexplicable method we call 'the claw' to destroy a rice paper screen. A completely disproportionate amount of energy expended to rip something that only needed a slight tear makes this pure gold. The whole clip is a decent investment of your time.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Titles are so 1990s

Congrats on the "He has spoken!" Its good to see it finally getting the respect it deserves.

In other news, I am quite excited about this:



He Has Spoken, Pt. 2 (Rejected by Wikipedia)

The previous post's text was originally written as an entry for Wikipedia. "He Has Spoken" needed a sanctioned definition with an online home so an attempt was made for a listing. Wikipedia disagreed and the entry was summarily rejected (rejection notice to be posted below).

While it cannot offer any guarantee as to the outcome of any action, We Has Spoken believes that it has additional and sufficient grounds for success in a subsequent appeal of Wikipedia's determination. We Has Spoken is considering all its options, including slight modifications to its original submission, hiring an adviser, changes to its compensation structure and posting on an alternate website.

We Has Spoken acknowledges Wikipedia's popularity and usefulness and believes it would be a great service to its millions of readers and fans to have an entry describing its inspiration, "He Has Spoken". We Has Spoken looks forward to a constructive relationship with Wikipedia.


(Below is a reformatted version of a rejection notice served to HE HAS SPOKEN sundays, P.A., related to its submission for a "He Has Spoken" definition)


This page may meet Wikipedia's criteria for speedy deletion. The given reason is: This article provides no meaningful content or history, and/or the text is unsalvageably incoherent. It is patent nonsense (CSD G1).

If you disagree with its speedy deletion, please explain why on its talk page or at Wikipedia:Speedy deletions. If this page obviously does not meet the criteria for speedy deletion, or you intend to fix it, please remove this notice, but do not remove this notice from pages that you have created yourself.

If you intend to explain why you disagree with the speedy deletion, you may find it useful to insert the template {{hangon}} into this article prior to writing your explanation. This will alert administrators to your intention, and may permit you the time to write your explanation.

Administrators, remember to check if anything links here, the page history (last edit) and any revisions of CSD before deletion.

He Has Spoken



HE HAS SPOKEN is a phrase, concept and guild. The remark, while uttered countless times since the inception of the English language, gathered momentum in 1999 during a Wrestlemania XIV press conference featuring newly-crowned WWF champion "Stone Cold" Steve Austin and boxer Mike Tyson.

OVERVIEW

The two were seated side-by-side, celebrating a victory over "The Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels. Austin delivered a typical "anyone, anytime, any place" sort of rant as Tyson nodded in concurrence. When prompted for a response, Iron Mike, who had served as a guest referee in the Austin/Michaels title fight, said, "I agree. It has been said...he has SPO-KEN! Cold Stone!"

Austin's mangled nickname had originally received the most coverage in New York City's East Village, the spiritual home of HE HAS SPOKEN. Yet after a few weeks, "I agree. It has been said..." and "Cold Stone" were dropped from the statement, leaving the "HE HAS SPOKEN"
expression.

Over 7 years, the declaration has been made by countless worldwide and has given rise to thousands of variations. These variations are reviewed and eventually sanctioned by HE HAS SPOKEN's governing body, HE HAS SPOKEN sundays, P.A.

VARIATIONS

Some of the offically-licensed HE HAS SPOKEN variations:
1- "Gilbert Gottfried": Saying HE HAS SPOKEN in a nasal, high-pitched manner.
2-"Dueling Wizards": Requires at least 2 participants. Participant A proclaims HE HAS SPOKEN and follows with lightning bolt sounds. Participant B responds in kind with crashing thunder.
3- "Poetry Slam": HE HAS SPOKEN is said in an urban, artconscious fashion.
4-"Furious": Angrily shouting the phrase. This is done quickly, as if all three words were one.
5- "Soft": Done in a tender, loving manner. Usually recited at baptisms and other milestone events involving young ones.
6- "Effeminate Man": Self-explanatory.
7- "Classic": Recited as spoken to the best of one's ability.

The goth says... HE has SPOKEN!!!!

Thursday, July 24, 2008

NEA - "New Artists in the Workforce Study"

In June the NEA released a study from 1990-2005 looking at artists' demographic and employment patterns. I haven't read the entire 180 page document but the brief 'executive summary' linked below is fascinating.

From the press release:

“Artists now play a huge but mostly unrecognized role in the new American economy of the 21st century,” said NEA Chairman Dana Gioia. “This report shows how important American artists are to both our nation’s cultural vitality and economic prosperity of our communities.”

Numbering almost two million, artists are one of the largest classes of workers in the nation, only slightly smaller than the U.S. military’s active-duty and reserve personnel (2.2 million)...artists earn an aggregate income of approximately $70 billion annually.

Among the key findings:

Demographic trends

  • Between 1970 and 1990, the number of artists more than doubled, from 737,000 to 1.7 million – a much larger percentage gain than for the labor force as a whole. Between 1990 and 2005, the growth of artists slowed to a 16 percent rate, about the same as for the overall labor force.
  • Women remain underrepresented in several artist occupations. Men outnumber women in architecture, announcing, music, production, and photography. Women outnumber men in the fields of dance, design, and writing.
  • Like the larger labor force, the artist population is becoming more diverse. The proportion of Hispanic, Asian, and American Indian artists grew from about nine percent of artists in 1990 to almost 15 percent by 2005.

Geographic distribution

  • Opportunities for artistic employment are greater in metropolitan areas. More than one-fifth of all U.S. artists live in Los Angeles, New York, Chicago, Washington, and Boston. Half of all artists live in 30 metropolitan areas.
  • Unique regional concentrations emerge. New Mexico has the highest share of fine artists, Vermont has the highest proportion of writers, and Tennessee, the highest proportion of musicians.

Employment and income

  • Artists are entrepreneurial – 3.5 times more likely to be self-employed.
  • Artists are underemployed – one-third of artists work for only part of the year.
  • Artists generally earn less than workers with similar education levels. The median income from all sources in 2005 was $34,800 for artists, higher than the $30,100 median for the total labor force, and lower than the $43,200 for all professionals.

Education level

  • Artists are more educated. Artists are twice as likely to have a college degree as other U.S. workers.
  • The share of degree-holding artists rose between 1990 and 2005.
  • Among artist occupations with the highest educational attainment levels are architects, writers, and producers.

FULL REPORT

EXECUTIVE SUMMARY

Pheonix Mars Lander...Seven Minutes of Terror

I promise I won't devote every post to some NASA/military technology. I just think my mind has been there recently. Anyhow...I have been exploring some NASA websites and found some pretty neat photos of the Phoenix Mars Lander descending into the Martian atmosphere.

Before I show the photos, I'll give a little background on the mission. The landing took place back in May 2008, and the rover is still exploring its soil for conditions for life. The thing that impresses me most is the science and engineering that went into the descent. How can you take a multi ton object traveling at 12,500 mph and safely land it in seven minutes in a very thin atmosphere? This video explains the whole process:



Now with that information, I thought you guys might appreciate these photos. What amazes me is how we can have a camera orbiting Mars taking real time snapshots of an event planned on earth a few years ago happening 36 million miles away.

The first photo: Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter's High Resolution Imaging Science Experiment (HiRISE) camera acquired this image of Phoenix hanging from its parachute as it descended to the Martian surface. Shown here is a 10 kilometer (6 mile) diameter crater informally called "Heimdall," and an improved full-resolution image of the parachute and lander. Although it appears that Phoenix is descending into the crater, it is actually about 20 kilometers (about 12 miles) in front of the crater.



A second photo blown up:



Talk about an amazing photo!

朋友 (péng yǒu): friend

朋友 (péng yǒu) - meaning: friend

pronunciation: "pung yo" with a rising tone on "pung" and a rising, then falling tone on "yo" (or just click the links above to hear Real Audio clips of the pronunciation)

I am going to single-handedly attempt to bring the Mandarin word 朋友 into the English language. I like the way it sounds, and "friend" is a pretty important word in any language. I can imagine it being used in the same way that "amigo" is often used: thrown into an English sentence to address close friends, casual acquaintances or even strangers to whom you bear no ill will.

Example (on the subway, addressing a stranger):
"Don't sit there, my friend, the seat is wet!"

Instead, one could say:
"Beware, 朋友, there is a foul liquid, possibly urine, on that seat."

Now you give it a try, 朋友.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Sonic booms and things that make me tingle

So I am new to this blogging thing and I have enjoyed reading everyone's posts. I am not a very talented writer, nor do I get very retrospective...but I do like some cool shit. So in the spirit of the things I was looking at this evening, I would like to dedicate this post to sonic booms.

Back in 1997 I remember seeing this CNN clip of this car that broke the land speed record. It totally amazed me when I hear this massive engine getting closer and louder as it approached the camera then...KABLAOUUUU!!! A goddamn sonic boom. The footage was equally impressive with the heat from the Moab sand creating a neat reflective mirage.


Anyhow...this got me excited and eager to see more sonic booms...so here are a few youtube videos that made me tingle...






312 CONSECUTIVE BARE KNUCKLE PUSH UPS



In the spirit of Werner Herzog I have performed 312 consecutive push ups on my fists and I challenge anyone to best me.

Dick Durbin Senatorial Spam

I got an email this morning "Thank you for signing up for the Friends of Dick Durbin." I have no clue who signed me up for this. I think it must have been one of you assholes. 30 seconds of research led me to his website where I learned that Dick Durbin is a "Democrat from Springfield... Illinois' 47th United States Senator... Dick Durbin's personal and political beliefs are deeply rooted in his childhood experience in East St. Louis, IL. Durbin's mother immigrated to the United States from Lithuania. His mother and father worked on the railroad. Senator Durbin worked his way through college and law school at Georgetown University - working on the railroad during his summer vacations at home and interning on Sen. Paul Douglas's Capitol Hill staff." He seems like a nice enough guy but I don't live in Illinois and have no desire to be on any rich old white man's email list.

SIX FLAGS MORE FLAGS MORE FUN GUY



My baby loves this commercial. Every time it comes on she freezes and watches it. I love it too. I wonder how they found this guy. I can imagine there was a casting session and he showed up and started screaming at the camera and they were like 'this is the guy.' This guy was born to do this.

7.25, No Camera, Zidane & This Other Life

The past 3 days, I've watched a 5-minute, 16-second clip from the sports documentary/art piece "Zidane: A 21st Century Portrait" over 20 times. What I saw dazzled me. But what I heard has
inspired me. The song playing throughout is "7.25" by Mogwai. I've spent 99 cents to buy this song off of iTunes (a rarity since I still prefer buying cd's but I couldn't wait) and if I've watched the clip over 20 times, I've listened to the song over 100. Despite not having seen the entire film, I've been motivated to make a highly-selective, minimally-invasive, photographic pseudo-documentary of my everyday. For obvious reasons, I can't say whether this project will be in the same vein as "Zidane" or not, but all I know is that I don't own a digital camera. I'm going to have to borrow, buy or steal one.

I waited for a car to come pick me up to drive me home for few minutes after work tonight (12:15 am, or 50 minutes ago). I was just looking at cars and buses coming down Lexington Avenue. All I wanted to do was take out my camera phone and snap away. I didn't think about how original the images were going to be, or the poor quality they were going to be presented in, I just wanted to record those images. That feeling was truth. That temporary absence of restrictive feelings and abundant questioning made me understand just how much self-doubt we all live in. Arguably, some live more socially constrained lives than others but we all exist within these boundaries. Different situations, different masks. I don't care if they're self-imposed or not.

I thought of what my life looks like in the morning now that I live alone and nobody can see me. Or what my walk to the subway must look like. What do I focus on? What breaks that focus every now and then? Maybe my friends want to see what my apartment looks like when I don't know they're coming over. Who cares? This project will answer just a few of these questions and maybe more will come about because of this. I'm not promising unfettered access into my life. I'm not an artist. I'm certainly not a photographer. I just want to see what a few days look like to me.

This could be interesting or it could be a load of self-absorbed garbage.

There are times when I really don't know who I am.

I promise a funny post will be coming soon.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Push-Ups

It seems like a theme of violence is emerging in the early stages of this blog. So it is appropriate to address the topic of physical fitness. If you want to be able to defend yourself or kick some ass when necessary, you need to be physically fit.

The push-up is the ultimate test of personal fitness. It requires no equipment, very little time, and it's nothing but you and your own body weight.

Back in March of this year, the New York Times had a good article on the importance of the push-up: "As a symbol of health and wellness, nothing surpasses the simple push-up." According to the article, a 40-year old man should be able to do 27 push-ups. I'm 29 and can currently do 45 consecutive push-ups.

For the past 5 weeks, I've been working on a 6 week program that claims anyone who follows the program will be able to do 100 consecutive push-ups upon completion. I'm not so sure I'll actually make it that far by the end of week 6 (I've been struggling with weeks 4 & 5 and will probably repeat week 5 before moving on), but I have noticed considerable improvement in my strength and endurance. The program only takes about 15 minutes a day, 3 days a week. I suggest everyone check out hundredpushups.com and give it a try.

If you take the challenge, let me know how it goes.
I'll update my progress in the comments.

Next time: Pull-ups.

Captain Lou Albano's 75th Bday Ruined by Friend's Nuclear Meltdown

Now this is what I call a Nuclear Meltdown.

Courtesy today's NY POST:

A 75th-birthday bash for wrestling icon Capt. Lou Albano turned into a real-life "Wrestlemania" event when "The Sandman" allegedly got drunk and went berserk - and "The Zombie" and "Pitbull" struggled to restrain him as a SWAT team was called in.

"It was unbelievable - I've never seen anything like it," one stunned party guest told The Post yesterday, after wrestler Jim "The Sandman" Fullington found himself at the center of a bottle-hurling, glass-smashing melee with the owner of La Lanterna restaurant in Yonkers.

"If you didn't know better, you'd think the whole thing had been staged."

Five Yonkers cops, a SWAT unit and an ambulance had to be called to stop the brawl, which partygoers said started after Fullington exchanged words with eatery owner T.J. Tarone - who responded by shattering a beer bottle in the face of the 6-foot-6, 300-pound wrestler.

The bloodied and battered Fullington - an Extreme Championship Wrestling pro and longtime friend of the legendary Albano - left the party in an ambulance, and woke up in a Westchester jail cell yesterday, charged with assault, according to Yonkers cops.

PHOTO GALLERY: Wrestling Bar Brawl

The bizarre scene unfolded late Sunday, after a daylong gathering of about 150 of Albano's nearest and dearest, including Fullington and the other wrestlers.

Around 5 p.m., Fullington - who'd earlier given a touching toast to his pal - became loud and boisterous, witnesses said.

He was in the bar "smacking around the lights like they were a speedbag," one source said.

"The next thing you knew, it was chaos," a witness said.

Fullington went after Tarone, as fellow wrestlers Tim "The Zombie" Roberts and Gary "Pitbull" Wolfe took him outside and tried to calm him.

Then "the owner guy pulls out a beer bottle and - from about three feet away - just hauls off and whips it at this wrestler guy," one witness said.

Albano's agent and niece, Kami Albano, who had planned the soiree, confirmed that account.

"Sandman was bleeding all over the place," she said.

An enraged Fullington broke free from his buddies and chased Tarone back through the restaurant into the kitchen.

There, witnesses said, "The Sandman" picked up dish-racks full of glassware and started throwing them through the air.

By then, cops had been called - and came into the kitchen with guns drawn.

A Yonkers police spokeswoman said Fullington "resisted arrest," and that two cops were later treated for glass wounds and "exposure to blood."

Tarone was at the beach yesterday and through friends, declined comment.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Police Brutality

I saw a crazy act of police brutality on Friday afternoon around 2:30 PM in front of my studio in Brooklyn. I was on the phone with Seb Demian discussing the new composed score he is making for WEAPONS and as I was talking and looking out the window (2nd floor) a blue minivan pulled to a stop in the middle of the street right in front of my building and a guy, white or perhaps light skinned Hispanic dressed in normal street clothing, jumped out of the van with a Glock 9mm pistol on his hip (in a holster) and pulled the gun out and pointed it at a tall, thin Muslim, very light skinned, almost looked Hasidic, wearing the traditional robe and Kufi with a super long beard. At first it looked like the cop was going to shoot the man and they exchanged words back and forth and the Muslim put his hands in front of his face like he was scared but didn't run. Then the cop suddenly attacked him, threw him against a parked car and proceeded to beat him and rough him up a little bit, talking shit in his ear and putting his hands behind his back as if he was going to arrest him. This went on for about 20 seconds, meanwhile I'm watching and telling Seb the blow-by-blow account over the phone and he can't believe what he's hearing. Finally the cop shoved the guy and ran back to his minivan, jumped in and drove off. The Muslim guy ran down the block in the opposite direction, looking very scared and confused. He didn't seem to be bleeding or too badly hurt so I guess he's okay. This happened in broad daylight and there were at least a half dozen witnesses. I didn't see what happened in the moments before the cop jumped out of his minivan and can only imagine there was some sort of altercation.

Friday, July 18, 2008

under construction...

The design of this site is still under construction and we have to figure out all of the technical permissions for multiple authors.
We has not yet spoken.

WE HAS SPOKEN