Best Commercial in the 757

I thought I would post the best television commercial for my area code...the same area code that has brought: Mike and Marcus Vick, AI, Sweet Pea, Chris Brown, Plaxico, and LT. What we lack in size we make up for in soul. I would like to see what other WHS contributors consider to be their most out of control TV ads.

Let me introduce you to Lowell "The Hammer" Stanley...he's subtle:




Here is one from a few years back...this clip is an actor who looks just like him. I appreciated the people getting hit by cars in the background:

On Fire Retrospective: George W. Bush

The death of Ted Kennedy has brought Kennedy's biographer Adam Clymer into the news again, which reminded me of the first incident that signaled George W. Bush's On Fire potential. September 5, 2000:

The Republican presidential candidate George W Bush has said he regrets the fact that people heard him make an insulting comment about a journalist, but he refused to apologise.

Just before a campaign speech in Illinois, Mr Bush said to his running mate Dick Cheney: "There's Adam Clymer, major league asshole from the New York Times."

Mr Bush later said he did not realise that live microphones were going to pick up the remark, but he stopped short of an actual apology.

Time to step up Barack Obama. Time to step up.

Ronaldo Expected To Be Greeted By 100 Transvestites At Rio Airport - Goal.com

SCORCHING



Ronaldo Expected To Be Greeted By 100 Transvestites At Rio Airport - Goal.com

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"I Broke My Back"

Can't believe I haven't seen this set of quotes before. You've most likely seen all the other clips if you've followed WHS.



Skip straight to 3:52 to see it again, but lots more in this one

When You Get a Chance ...

...you should hear Mike from WHS belt out the chorus to this one:

Vince from Slap Chop

I just found out that the Slap Chop and Shamwow pitchman, Vince, just had a run in with the law. It's too bad, cause I thought he had great potential. Here is the transcript from The Smoking Gun:

MARCH 27--Meet Vince Shlomi. He's probably better known to you as the ShamWow Guy, the ubiquitous television pitchman who has been phenomenally successful peddling absorbent towels and food choppers. Shlomi, 44, was arrested last month on a felony battery charge following a violent confrontation with a prostitute in his South Beach hotel room. According to an arrest affidavit, Shlomi met Sasha Harris, 26, at a Miami Beach nightclub on February 7 and subsequently retired with her to his $750 room at the lavish Setai hotel. Shlomi told cops he paid Harris about $1000 in cash after she "propositioned him for straight sex." Shlomi said that when he kissed Harris, she suddenly "bit his tongue and would not let go." Shlomi then punched Harris several times until she released his tongue. The affidavit, a copy of which you'll find here, notes that during the 4 AM fight Harris sustained facial fractures and lacerations all over her face (she is pictured here in mug shots snapped following busts in 2008 and 2005). After freeing his tongue, a bleeding Shlomi ran to the Setai lobby, where security summoned cops. Harris refused to cooperate with officers, who recovered $930 from her purse. "Both parties had a strong odor of an alcoholic beverage emitting from their persons," police reported. In a brief telephone interview, Harris declined to answer TSG questions about her run-in with Shlomi, though she did say she is considering a lawsuit against the pitchman. Asked if she worked as a hooker, Harris declined comment. As seen in the below mug shot, Shlomi was also injured during the fracas and, court records show, was treated at Mount Sinai Medical Center. While Shlomi and Harris were both arrested for felony aggravated battery, prosecutors this month declined to file formal charges against the combatants. Police records list Shlomi's occupation as "Marketing," but make no mention of his affiliation with the ShamWow or the Slap Chop, both of which sell for $19.95 (plus shipping and handling)

Here is the infomercial:


Here is a good mockery:

Ronald Fred Seikaly (Arabic: رونالد ﺼيقلي‎)

"...with the first pick in the Most Overlooked, Yet On Fire NBA Players of All-Time Draft, We Has Spoken selects Rony Seikaly"

Farewell, Bush

On Fire

Gran Torino RED ALERT - Urgent Update

Further to the Gran Torino RED ALERT. WHS has obtained the following document:


TV Spot:

UNINTENTIONAL COMEDY ALERT - LEVEL RED: Clint Eastwood's "Gran Torino"

WHS has posted this urgent advisory for Clint Eastwood's "Gran Torino". The advisory has been classified as a RED ALERT, meaning the threat to Eastwood's legacy is severe, and that a WHS field trip to the Court Street 12 is mandatory.

Note that he says "get off my lawn". This may be a tribute to Harrison Ford's disgracefully hilarious "get off my plane" from "Air Force One" (clip follows Eastwood trailer).

"Get Off My Lawn!"


"Get Off My Career!"


The We Has Spoken Alert System:
RED (severe): guaranteed career-spoiling unintentional comedy, theater attendance is required on opening weekend
ORANGE (high): very likely career threat to a film legend, damage may be very difficult to overcome, theater attendance is highly recommended
YELLOW (elevated): trailer may hint at career-jeopardizing lines and performances but may contain all the film actually has, dvd screening is acceptable

WHS On Fire Editorial Board Endorses Neither John McCain Nor Barack Obama

This election cycle has been a distressing one in terms of how few on fire moments we were given to play with. Senator Obama has been far too measured, too cool, and too deliberate to deliver any serious unintentional comedy while Senator McCain is too angry and often times far too creepy to be entertaining.

The flashes of promise from both campaigns have come from those surrounding the candidates. Reverend Wright remains scorching hot for his inability to tone himself down while Daddy Yankee's agonizing endorsement of McCain will surely ruin his career. Just yesterday, Dick Cheney quite publicly endorsed McCain. This further enhances Cheney's on fire status as he certainly knows his backing is toxic.

For 16 years we have had a Commander-in-Chief that has been on fire. Presidents Clinton and Bush gave us limitless material. Neither Obama nor McCain has shown himself to be a worthy successor to Bush in the on fire arena. This uncomfortable truth is the reason why WHS is refraining from an on fire endorsement.

Daddy Yankee


Rev. Wright


Clinton with Yeltsin


George Bush is a God

Mike Tyson's PUNCH-OUT!! Real and Imagined Endings

Mike Tyson's PUNCH-OUT!! ranks as one of the top 5 video games of all time. This is no mystery, as Mike Tyson ranks as one of the top 5 people of all time. Below is the ending for the NES game you'd see if you were actually able to defeat Tyson (I finally did it my sophomore year at NYU) and the special WHS ending to the game.

Real Ending (note severe racial and national stereotyping of characters):


WHS Special Ending (note everything):

Elvis

I don't think you can get more on fire than the late Elvis Presley. I spent this morning reviewing youtube clips of his last few concerts. He is not just fat, he has the look of someone with Cushing's syndrome. This is a condition where there is elevated cortisol in the blood stream creating edema in the extremities and the characteristic "moon face." It is more than the look of someone who had too many pancakes and beer.

As we all know he eventually died from his massive addiction to amphetamines, opiates, and alcohol. Some estimates indicate that he spent up to a million a year on his pills. Now, I remember being amazed that Christy Brinkley's ex husband spent $3000 a month on internet pornography, but good lord...Elvis blows him out of the water!

As I look at the old clips, I am amazed at his amount of sweat, apathy, and confusion. In one clip, he walks on stage ready to sing Frank Sinatra's classic "My Way", but unabashedly needs to read it from a piece of paper. In the other, he forgets lyrics to "Lonely Tonight," and in front of a crowd of thousands he babbles nonsensically with a smile on his face. But what makes him truly 'on fire' is that he could do this shit every week, in front of large crowds and television viewers, and get away with it. Amazing!

WHS Fashions: Dashiki on Non-Africans, Non-Hippies = Advanced

"I just lost my job at Lehman, so I'm going to the office to pick up my shit in my dashiki. Fuck you."

"Last week, I was Native American."

"I have been on HBO's 'Real Sex' over 20 times. What have you ever done?"

We're Sorry, We Cannot Complete Your Call ...

We recently discussed a NYNEX phone recording from the 90s that would play when a phone call wouldn't go through. The message was downright low-quality and featured what sounded like a very exhausted, fat man in his late 40s with a very thick New York accent. It sounded like he was speaking out of his mother's basement. Here's how the recording would go:

(solid 4 seconds of ultra-powered oscillating fan)

then

"We're SOW-ry, we cannot complete ya cawl, please hang up ... and try ya cawl again LAY-ta ... this ... is a recording."

(4 more seconds oscillating fan)

"We're SOW-ry, we cannot complete ya cawl, please hang up ... and try ya cawl again LAY-ta ... this ... is a recording."

###

I tried to find this recording online and have had no luck so far. However, I did find this website (http://www.payphone-directory.org) which has a Phone Recording Archive that is an achievement in itself.

That NYNEX recording must be found.

"You're a Bush, Act Like One!"

Oliver Stone's "W" is going to be this year's "The Passion of the Christ" when it comes to the promise of unintentional comedy. There have been grumblings about the timing of this film's release date being right around election day (Lionsgate's site just mentions Fall 2008 whereas I have read the possibility of either October 17 or October 31 - my query to the studio hasn't been answered) but from a "strike while the iron's hot" perspective, you can't ask for this to come at a better time. The President is simply scorching right now and perhaps from a studio perspective, this film can't come out soon enough. The guy didn't even take the short flight to go to his own party's convention. Whether he was welcome or not is besides the point. His presence in itself is widely considered to be so radioactive that there are certainly more than a few Republicans that were relieved that he didn't make the trip to Minnesota. It's not a hard call, but I rate George W. Bush, both the fictitious account of him played by Josh Brolin and the real Bush, as a "strong buy" if you want solid returns on your comedic investments.

W. Trailer


Self-Deprecating

WHS Photography: The Most Gangster Pose Ever

Below are two famous images that shouldn't be forgotten about. Let's keep these readily accessible in our minds. The first image is of ex-Russian spy, Alexander Litvinenko. He's on his deathbed, suffering from polonium poisoning. The second, Tupac Shakur. He's just been shot. I've got to give a major edge to Litvinenko just because of the face. Any added submssions are welcome.






My Additions (Chris):



With Sound:

Hall of Fame Nominee: Thomas Ian Griffith as Terry Silver in Karate Kid, Part III

This guy is hilarious. Best part, his initial stifled laugh at 0:08.

Gran Prahspeh Hao (1986)

Just a supplement to the previous post. Enjoy.